© 1997 Mistress Kay
Do not copy, print, or reproduce in any manner. Obtain permission for usage. 

Safety first leads to great BDSM Sessions but the body is not the only thing that needs to be protected and kept safe. The mind and the emotions must also be considered. Safety is something that has to be considered on all levels; general health, mentally, emotionally. BDSM is not sex, it is much more intense since it effects a person, both the giver and the receiver, on many levels. This write up is about complete safety practices for the body as well as the mind. I am a lifestyle Mistress with multiple play partners so safety is very important. I am not a psychologist or doctor of any sort. I accept no responsibility in any way for what you read or may or may not do from reading this article. I am offering My opinions - what you do with them is solely your responsibility. 

Entering into the world of BDSM should not be a lightly traveled road. Once you begin on this path you can find yourself in the greatest place of enjoyment you have ever been or on the wrong side of the road. There are many people who enjoy BDSM, it does not mean you are a sick puppy or that you are mental insane. It means that you have a different sexual preferences, need the intensity of BDSM, and can have an experience that encompasses the body, the mind, and the emotions.  There is nothing wrong with, not to be ashamed of as long as you understand the emotions, reasoning and safety practices. One popular BDSM saying is BE SAFE - BE SANE - BE CONSENSUAL 

Bondage is the ultimate act of love and trust.  You must completely trust the DOM since as a submissive you are allowing yourself to be put into a situation you may not be able to escape from. There is something so sublime, animalistic, and emotionally encompassing in giving yourself over to someone on a mental, physical, emotional, and sexual level. This giving up of control (or having the control) is what bondage and Domination is all about. Experiencing everything that may be forbidden with no control or guilt of the actions. It is a most remarkable and most encompassing experience.  If you are a novice then I highly recommend that you read everything. It will help you establish your mind set as well as prepare you for safety in all aspects.

Choosing a partner

Trust is the very most important thing between two people, in any relationship, not just in BDSM. You must find someone that you can trust with your life. Remember as a submissive you are surrendering all control, mentally, emotionally, and physically. You should get to know this person very well before you agree to enter into a session. This person should be respectful of your limits and wishes, no 'if's', 'ands', or 'buts'. Once you decide that you are ready to turn your fantasy into reality, and have found a person you trust, then you need to establish communication, limits, and safety practices. Setting limits and a safe word will not destroy the spontaneity of the moment or reduce the fun you can have during a session. 

Safety words and signals is proper BDSM Communication

Proper communication is an absolute must. It does not just start and end before the act. It is imperative that you and your partner/s establish effective means of communication throughout all of it. Make sure that everyone involved is aware at all times of how you feel about what you are doing or having done to you. This is not necessarily going to kill spontaneity or ruin a 'scene' for anyone. Quite the contrary. Before anything happens, be sure that you have a set of SAFE WORDS and/or signals ready and committed to memory. For those who are unfamiliar with the term SAFE WORD, it is simply put, a word, signal, or phrase that has a definite meaning to the person/s that hear/s it, usually when the submissive has been pushed beyond the limit of what s/he finds pleasurable and needs the dominant to stop. A slow word can be used to indicate that a sub is getting close to a limit or that the Dom needs to lighten up a bit. If you do not use safe words, you will find that bondage is suddenly a very dangerous game, and at the very least, people will not want to play it with you.

Mutual Support

BDS, by its very nature is a highly emotional activity. It pushes both the dominant and submissive parties to their respective emotional and sometimes physical limits. There will be times that both sides need the support, approval and love of the other. Never ridicule your partner for not being capable of performing an act which is beyond their personal limits. Spend time after your session being affectionate and receptive. Just because your submissive can't physically handle having his or her elbows tied together doesn't make them defective. Just because your dominant squeaks at the mere idea of making you roll around in diapers acting like an infant doesn't make him or her a wimp. This is just personal taste. Some of us just can't do these things. It's nothing to criticize. Move on to something you BOTH enjoy. Trust me, you'll come upon a situation you personally can't handle, and you'll be glad of having someone tell you that you aren't defective/wimpy/whatever.

Establishing Limits

Everyone has things they just do not enjoy. BDSM doesn't change that. Make sure you establish a set of limits before you even think about embarking on a session. Be honest with yourself and your partner or the experience will not be all it could. If you dislike being struck a certain way or with certain objects, let your dominant know this. If you don't, there are very good odds that you will regret it. Discuss these things honestly and openly with your partner so that s/he knows what you do and do not want. As a Dominant, I am frustrated by not knowing how far I can go, or what I am expected to do. I am not afraid or ashamed to admit this. If you or your partner cannot honestly set down your limits and respect them, then maybe bondage isn't for you or them. Once the relationship develops into a 24/7 lifestyle the sub may become a slave.  When this happens the slave allows any and all things from the Dominate. However the Dominate will feel devotion to the slave and to be sure limits are not pressed too much.

REMEMBER: When you dominate somebody, you need to be INCREDIBLY AWARE of EVERYTHING that is happening in the scene. If you slack on this issue, you could end up seriously injuring your partner mentally or physically. Being a TOP does have it's rewards, but eternal vigilance is the price you pay for being in charge.

When securing your submissive, pay close attention to how tightly you tie them. Make sure that you do not cut off circulation or stretch muscles too much. Ignoring this can lead to embarrassing hospital trips, not to mention possible permanent damage to nerves.  When using handcuffs, the standard police issue handcuffs can sometimes cut the nerve of sensation from the wrist to the thumb.   Also, handcuffs that do not have a small chain between them (these are usually attached to each other by a hinge that can fold the cuffs together) can be dangerous. If somebody falls while wearing them, they can break a wrist. If using hoods or gags, be very sure that the person who wears these objects can breathe freely. If they can not, adjust the hood or gag until they can. Asphyxiation is a terrible way to die.   If you're using a rubber ball gag, it's a good idea to use one with snaps on the strap instead of buckles, in case there's an accident, and you need to get the sub out of the gag quickly. Always use a safe word or signal to halt play in bad situations. When you can't talk be sure sure you can snap your fingers to indicate to the domme that there is a problem. It can save your relationship or even save your life.

Never leave a bound submissive alone in a room. Not only is this emotionally dangerous, but physically as well. This goes double for someone who is gagged and bound.    If your bondage play includes sex, always make sure you practice safety measures like condoms, spermicidal gels, etc. Always make sure you are tested regularly for STDs like herpes or AIDS and that your partner does likewise.  When using toys like vibrators, vampire gloves, butt plugs, or anything else that has the possibility of getting bodily fluids on it, make sure you WASH IT after EVERY use. Whether or not you continue to use it on the same partner, you still need to make sure everything is clean. Infection in those  "oh-so-tender" areas can be at least annoying, and at most debilitating until they go away. If you do have multiple partners, it's a good idea to use completely  different implements on them. Latex can only stop so much folks...It's better to be safe than sorry.   Always make sure that you are with a consenting partner, and that all of your activities are mutually consensual.

Here are the  bookmark  jumps of covered topics lower on this page:
¤  Ropes ¤ Always think FIRE!   ¤ Medical Conditions ¤ Stretching   ¤ Suspension  ¤
¤ Handcuffs ¤  TWO keys  ¤  Hoods  ¤ Gags  ¤ SEX  ¤ Body Fluids  ¤
¤  Toys and tools ¤ Cuts, bruises and muscle soreness ¤ 

• Always think fire: This is one of my biggest and first thoughts - what if there was a fire or emergency and I had to get my slave out of the house in just two minutes. Think about it - 2 minutes is not a lot of time. Whenever you bind a person think about how long and how you would be able to release the person in a very very short period of time. What if the sub has a heart attack or is choking? What if the top slips, falls, and is unconscious lying on the floor? Are there operating smoke detectors? Where is the fire extinguisher? Where are the scissors? Will somebody check on they two of you within a reasonable time frame? No these thoughts are not paranoid - just smart thinking in safe BDSM play.  
• Medical Conditions: Understand all the medical conditions of your partner. Make a list of the medicines the other has to take - just in case there is an accident. Make sure everything you do is always safe. If your sub is a diabetic then circulation, food play, and length of sessions may be effected. If a person has arthritis you may need to make sure you do not move limbs in certain directions or simply make sure the person moves after so many minutes in one position.  If the person has high blood pressure, look for warning signing like reddening of the face. Be sure to check pulse rates and breathing. Ammonia ampletes are not a bad thing to have around.
• Ropes: Almost all of us use them at some time and in some way. The top must be certain not to cut off circulation when binding. The idea is to keep the person still, not turn them blue. Use knots and configurations that do not tighten to much when pulled. This way as the sub wiggles and moves you do not have to worry as much about stopping the fun and re-doing the ropes. Always have a sharp knife close by incase you need to undo the ropes quickly. Use ropes in sections - this way if there is a problem with one area of the body you can undo just that single problem area and not undo all the ropes.
• Stretching: Do not pull a person too tight or for too long. Consider using wrist and ankle cuffs instead of ropes. Being stretched is fine but not too tightly because you are literally stretching a person's internal muscles - there is a reason stretching was used as a medieval torture devise that actually killed a people. When the muscles are stretched too tightly it restricts proper blood flow, alters blood pressure, effects the nerves, and overworks the muscles.
• Suspension: Use the same precautions as stretching (above) but I recommend leather or lined cuffs instead of ropes, tethers, or chains at the ankles and wrists. Don't hang a person upside-down for long periods and never leave them unattended upside-down.
• Handcuffs: A beautiful but potentially dangerous toy. They can easily become to tight. Make sure you set the stop so they can not tighten. Improperly used they can lead to permanent nerve damage. Another thing to remember is that if a person falls while in hand cuffs it is very easy for them to break a wrist or get hurt more in the fall.
• TWO keys: Always make sure you have two keys for all handcuffs and locks. Select a place where you always keep the spare key that is labeled. Make sure the sub knows where this place is -many like to place the keys within reach of the sub, just in case something happens since neither one of you probably want the ambulance or fire truck to show up when you are stuck in the middle of a session.
• Hoods: Most of the body's heat escapes from the head. If you have the bottom wearing a hood they will become very warm with possible heat exhaustion. Breathing is also very important. Make sure you ask often that the bottom can breath correctly.
• Gags: When using any gag, be sure you can remove it quickly. Use extreme caution if using a gag when the person's head is upside-down. It is very easy to choke so consider using a gag with snaps or Velcro instead of buckles. Because it is so easy to choke while gagged, never ever leave a bottom gagged and unattended. There are some great gags that can be used safely for longer periods of times or while the sub is unattended. Take a plastic practice golf ball and weave a piece of leather thru the holes. Place in the mouth and tie the leather around the head. This allows drainage of spit and easy enough breathing while a gag is still prohibiting speech. The leather can cause chaffing at the mouth corners but for a long period of time playing safe is very important.
• SEX: Yes, some include sex in BDSM. As with all sexual practices be safe! Use condoms, spermicidal gels, plastic wrap, etc.... be aware of all your sexual partners and your partner's sexual practices. Keep an honest and open line of communication. Get tested. Require your partner is HEP vaccinated and tested. Use oral condoms and dental dams. Remember that unsafe se can be life threatening.
• Body Fluids: There are many many ways you will come in contact with body fluids not including sex. This is why it is very important that you and your partner practice safe sex. Use latex/rubber gloves. Do not cross-contaminate by using a gloved finger dipped twice into the vasaline jar and things of that sort. Have a bio-waste trashcan that no one puts there hands into. Get a bio-waste container for sharps. 
• Toys and tools: Clean everything after it is used, apply an sterilizing washing fluid or a sanitizing soap and rinse very very well then finish with an extremely hot rinse. Some things may not be able to be cleaned. In this case make sure that you only use the item on a single person. Label the item with that person's name in some way if you have multiple play partners. I always make my slaves buy tools and toys for use on them - and only them. (Jane's dildo in never in John's ass - for example). A condom over a toy helps but I see some items as being very very personal and would prefer to keep them for solitary use on one person. Make sure the items are clean and dry before storing in a clean environment. If there is any blood - remember leather does not clean up. If you break the skin stop using leather toys if that toy will be used on another. Use plastic floggers, chain floggers, and plastic rods to continue play since they can be cleaned. Many items can not be fully sterilized and I don't know many people who have an autoclave. If you visit a pro-domme or anyone who has multiple play people then these are things you should think of - as the dominate and as a sub.
• Cuts, bruises and muscle soreness: Well, yes this happens! Remember that the sub has to have time to recoup. Let wounds and bruises heal completely before another heavy session. If an area has intense heat to it after an hour then use ice application to reduce swelling. If there has been blood drawn - apply alcohol - ouch - some will love this! This will clean the area. Always send your sub off as clean and as sterile as possible. Apply bandages if needed. If you have stretched or hung a person for a long time the blood was restricted and muscles deprived of blood will get sore. Rub them briskly to get the blood flowing again as soon as possible. 

BE SAFE
AND YOU (AND YOUR PARTNER) WON'T BE SORRY!

© 1997 Mistress Kay
Do not copy, print, or reproduce in any manner. Obtain permission for usage.